Meet the ‘supermoms,’ a group of Black mothers fighting the stigma of autism

Chinyere Ubani, whose 13-year-old son Ugochukw has autism, remembers the moment when she finally felt supported by another parent.

Ugochukw had been dealing with bullying at school and was struggling to manage his emotions. Six years after they arrived in Canada from Nigeria, Ubani was having difficulty finding support for him.

At the time, her struggle was mostly silent. She attended an event with other moms of children with autism, but even there she didn’t bring it up.

She was about to leave when the organizer pulled her aside to ask if she was doing OK. Ubani broke down in tears.

“I had so many pent-up emotions,” she said. “I didn’t go there to cry on her shoulders. It was as if a tap just opened.”

Ubani said she felt a sense of relief and comfort when she found the group for Black moms whose children have special needs, called the “supermoms.”

“Someone that looks like you, that’s on that same journey with you — it is easier for that person to relate to your story,” she said.

Fighting shame, sharing resources

Organizer Adenike Adesina went through a similar period after her family arrived from Nigeria in 2018. She had hoped life in Canada would be free from judgment and offer access to autism resources for her son, Mogboluwaga.

Instead, Adesina found herself struggling with long wait times for support. She also noticed other mothers’ shame around their children’s disabilities.

“I still see people of my skin colour hiding these children,” she said. “They don’t want people to know they have children on the spectrum.”

In 2023, Adesina began compiling a contact list of mothers she’d met through church who also had children with special needs. She labelled each with the title “supermom,” and it stuck.

‘It wasn’t easy at the beginning’

Adesina said the group has come a long way since it began. Convincing mothers to join was a challenge, compounded by cultural norms and preconceptions about autism many have carried.

“It wasn’t easy at the beginning,” she said.

Most of the moms are originally from Nigeria. Adesina said some African families view having a child diagnosed with autism as a “curse” or “punishment” for a past wrongdoing, and want to hide their child. It’s a belief she held for a while, too.

“Did I do something? Did I offend anybody or did I commit a crime for me to reap this?” she recalls asking herself.

It’s taken work to learn how best to support her son, but now Adesina has dedicated herself to helping other Black parents feel proud of their children with special needs.

“I celebrate him a lot,” she said.

‘Non-judgmental zone’

The supermoms group has grown into a WhatsApp chat of more than 60 women that provides a forum for conversation, advice and support as they share their children’s challenges and triumphs.

Mothers send GIFs with encouraging messages and resources to help others navigate Canadian systems they may be unfamiliar with, from health care to school supports. Sometimes they meet in person to talk, do each other’s makeup or let their children play together.

For Supermom Titilope Kazeem-Oshinubi, who joined the group two years ago, it has been life-changing.

“It’s a community that you can always go to be yourself,” she said. “A non-judgmental zone.”

When her daughter Erife, now 7, was diagnosed with autism as a toddler, Kazeem-Oshinubi had never heard of the condition. Since then, she’s earned a degree in social work to help her better understand her daughter.

She said she still has friends outside of the group who are hesitant to spend time with Erife because they see her as “disruptive.”

“I can’t even take my child to their house,” she said.

But when she’s surrounded by other moms who are going through similar things, she said she feels less alone.

Kazeem-Oshinubi said while moms in the group are working hard to reduce stigma, it’s still a challenge. She knows several people who have children on the autism spectrum, but who are hesitant to join the group because they feel shame about their child’s diagnosis.

“Some moms … are not ready to accept [their child has] autism,” she said. “But we’re doing our best for the ones that are ready.”