‘Pretty painful’: Fiction writer’s new book examines her family’s tragedies, grief

Donna Morrissey and her four siblings were having some drinks and telling yarns one night when she had a realization.

Growing up in Newfoundland, Morrissey and her sisters spent a lot of time with her mother inside the home, while her brothers did outdoorsy things with their father. Even as adults, this dynamic continued when the family spent time together.

As her brothers told stories about their late father, she realized there was a side to him that she didn’t know.

Out of that evening of revelry comes Morrissey’s newest book, Tell It to the Water: Five Siblings Tell of Their Father’s Grief and His Struggle Back to Hope.

While the book is centred on Morrissey’s father’s grief over the death of his wife from cancer, other tragic elements figure prominently. These include the death of Morrissey’s brother, Ford, in a workplace accident around 40 years ago.

“My stories were pretty known to me, but theirs weren’t. And so to hear them tell of their wounds, that was pretty painful,” said Morrissey, who winters in Halifax but spends summers in her home province.

As someone who’s written close to a dozen fictional books, Morrissey’s usually buffered from the emotions that her characters carry. Writing a memoir like this offered no such protection.

“Some of it made me cry,” she said. “My voice is quivering now, just saying that.”

And while past personal stories have served as inspiration for her books, she said she couldn’t come up with a character who could tell these stories.

How the book was written

The chapters are written from the perspectives of Morrissey and her siblings, with each chapter noting whose viewpoint it is.

Getting the stories ready for print meant lots of conversations between Morrissey and her siblings, with many pointed questions about what was meant by certain lines and what they were feeling when the different events played out.

This created some brief tension among the siblings who “fight all the time,” but never hold a grudge and soon get over their squabbles, said Morrissey.

Though they have long been close, the book has played a role in bringing Morrissey and her siblings even closer.

“You’d like to be able to say it was a great sigh of relief that we had it all out finally and put on paper,” said Morrissey. “But, you know, [the] memoir doesn’t end. We’re still living those stories. Those stories are still impacting our lives.”

The psychology of grief

Dr. Simon Sherry, a practising psychologist at Crux Psychology in Halifax, spoke about grief in general with CBC News. He said that even with the death of a loved one, people can still have an ongoing and dynamic relationship with that person.

“And clearly with grief, you can see the ongoing intense attachment and emotional bond that’s still present,” he said. “So while you lose people through death, you still continue a relationship with them. It’s a consolation prize.”

Sherry said as people grow and age, they may come to see their loved ones differently.

Morrissey’s hopes

Morrissey hopes the book allows readers to reflect on and understand their own families, while offering a template for people who want to write about their family’s history, but aren’t sure how to go about it.

She said enough time has passed to allow her and her siblings to look at the many tragedies her family has endured.

“We’ve become more precious to each other,” she said. “And it’s not just because of the book and our past, but because, again, our story is continuing and we are all growing older and more vulnerable. And yeah, so we cling to each other.”

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